i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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