Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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