I cannot find my penis.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
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We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
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I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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