Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize