I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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