she looked like the before picture.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
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you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
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It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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