My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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