i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
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What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
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Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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