White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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