youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
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Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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