How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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