my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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