I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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