i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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