She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize