Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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