WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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