I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize