Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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