Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
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I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
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I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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