Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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