Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize