She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
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Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
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It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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