I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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