No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
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i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
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St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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