my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Randomize