dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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