well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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