i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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