Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
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Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
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He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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