Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
They are going to name an STD after you.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize