you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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