I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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