Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize