I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize