Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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