So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
