so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
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you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
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I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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