apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
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Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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