I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize