grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
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When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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