i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
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Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
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"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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