i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
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Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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