It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
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she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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