He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
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The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
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I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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