I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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