Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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