I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
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she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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