i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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