How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
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It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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