I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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